drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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