just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
worst night to have a conscience
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
