Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
