I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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