Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
