I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
