our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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