I heard we made out
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
