we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
