Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
