I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
