he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
