i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
