Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize