I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
