I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
