i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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