I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize