I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
