it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
