My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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