420 ftw
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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