im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
