It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
