Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
