pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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