Betty ford says i'm here all night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
