So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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