your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
