I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
