The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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