The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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