I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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