I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
