So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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