Im at strip club and am horny
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
