My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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