I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
