he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i now understand why vodka
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize