I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
