Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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