She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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