you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
