So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
