why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
