i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
