I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
