Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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