I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
