Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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