And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
