you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
