I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
