just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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