Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
