I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
