i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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