I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
