How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
