So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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