You're completely useless in the revolution.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
