i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
