oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize