Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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