Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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