I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize