her vagine was all disorganized.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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