i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
