I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
