You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
