At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
