I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
