I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
