we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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