I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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