I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
