Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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