if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
