I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
