im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
and she was petting her beer can
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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